The ability to "tell it like it is" was not something I was born with; some people come into this World with the type of personality that allows them to be strong minded, opinionated and they do not take "crap" from anybody. For me this ability was something I had to learn. For those of you who knew me when I was a young child (particularly anyone from elementary school who may be reading this) you would remember me as a push over; someone who often did things they may not have liked to make others happy. As a child I was forever trying to keep the peace and please people.
Perhaps it was the divorce of my parents when I was ten or the death of my much beloved Mother a decade later that assisted me with "growing balls" (forgive the lewdness of that one). I believe it was a combination of a number of things with those two mixed in that forced me out of my shell and too stand up for myself. I believe you can only allow yourself to take so many knocks from people and life in general before you realize if you do not stand up for yourself and express your opinions you can and will get walked on and true happiness will forever elude you. I do not believe in being aggressive but will be assertive when necessary. I get no pleasure from starting arguments and therefore do not but will not back down when someone is pushing my buttons. In day to day life I have been assertive since I was (hmmmmmmm...) let's say twenty and moved out on my own for the first time. I quickly learned that sometimes you had to be assertive with utilities people especially when if you were not they would rip you off in a second. I also learned than when you go to the bank you must know what you want and not deveate from that as bankers have quotas and sales goals to met also. I was also taught that being assertive was sometimes required with your landlord otherwise you wait many months for windows to be repaired and nothing is fun about the tempature in your flat being the same as the temperature outside especially in the middle of winter.
It was about a year or so later when I realized the importance of being assertive in the workforce (especially when you work in the Activation department in long term care). I learned that on a day to day basis you must know what you wish to accomplish and not let co-workers (particularly those from the nursing department) distract you by throwing at you every resident who is causing them problems with the claim that "more programming" is the solution. I have no problem lending a hand in calming an aggitated elderly client but I am not an overpaid babysitter and will not be treated like one (thanks very much).
It was not until very recently in my life that I learned the importance of being assertive (NOT high maintaine or "b*tchy" but just assertive) in relationships with members of the opposite sex. I had the unfortunate experience of being taken for granted and advantage of by an ex with whom I dated for eight months before waking up and realizing what was happening. I was intoxicated with all the magical feelings of "love" (or lust) at the beginning and naturally at the beginning everything was perfect. However, soon his cell phone was "turned off" and he did not answer and he was only avaliable certain days etc.. (yeah like I said it took me awhile to figure it out) He would always blame these occurances on complications he was having in his personal life (mainly a court battle he was having with the Mother of his son) and I felt sorry for him..AT FIRST. At first when his games begain I was understanding as I wanted to be supportive (after all you are supposed to be supportive..right?...). I would feel anger boil up inside of me and have a million not so nice things prepared to say to him and than I would "chicken out" and pretend like everything was perfect. Finally, I reached my breaking point and having had enough dicovered my inner assertiveness and let it reign. It was probabily the most liberated I had felt the whole relationship the day I ended it with him and told myself "no more crap for you". This is the mantra I currently live by while I venture into the dating world. Hence it was only natural for me when I was stood up this evening by the "wonderful" guy I had gone on a date with last Saturday evening (described in the previous blog) for me to call and leave a message saying exactly what I thought. It hurts to be stood up but I do not suffer fools or their games easily so to him I say good riddance there will be better as I believe now I certaintly deserve it.
Maybe I will find my Prince Charming and maybe I will spend the rest of my life alone while that remains to be seen, the one thing I know for a fact; I will not be treated badly either way!
No comments:
Post a Comment